Conflicts are a natural part of any social context. Conflict occurs when children disagree, oppose or retaliate against each other, which may lead to challenging and emotionally charged interactions. Conflicts should not be associated with aggression, however, nor perceived as negative. This means they do not need to be quickly resolved, but can be used as a context for learning a range of social and emotional skills, such as empathy, communication, negotiation, emotional regulation and thinking. While conflict should not be avoided, or quickly stopped by adults imposing solutions, too much conflict can be stressful for everyone in an early childhood setting and so preventative measures, such as clearly understood routines and behavioural expectations, are important. Children can be overwhelmed by strong emotions during conflict situations and may find it difficult to remember and use strategies such as problem-solving until they are supported to regulate their emotions.
Support children to learn from conflict by:
- Being alert to situations that may lead to conflict, such as over-crowding in an area, a lack of resources
or simply children’s preferences for special items or for space around them as
they play.
- Taking a moment to think, observe, and get calm before responding, to help you in professional
decision-making. Be guided by your knowledge of and relationships with children
and focus on facilitating children’s emotional regulation, communication and
perspective-taking and promoting children’s maximum participation in the
process.
- Intentionally deciding whether to intervene in conflicts, or give children the opportunity for independent
practice. Research suggests children under three are capable of independent
conflict resolution, using strategies such as withdrawing or retreating, giving
up without a fight, or using non-verbal strategies such as smiling or offering
toys, especially if they are engaged in joint play before the conflict. Research
with older children shows that children can resolve conflicts themselves using
strategies such as reasoning, apologising, or suggesting cooperative ideas for
play. Observe children’s progress, so that you can support children if
necessary.
- Facilitating learning opportunities for children within conflict resolution, rather than directing
children, restating rules, distracting children from the conflict, or other
strategies intended to restore harmony for the sake of classroom management, as
these remove children’s involvement from the process. Avoid focusing on ideas
of fairness or justice, which will lead you to direct the conflict resolution
process and choose solutions for children rather than listening to children’s
ideas for resolution. Open-ended communication is found to be more successful
in helping children learn conflict resolution skills than directing children in
how to resolve conflict.
- Questioning to
seek clarification about what is going on and each child’s perspective.
Questioning encourages children to communicate with each other, and also gives
children a message that the responsibility for resolving the conflict belongs
to them. Make sure every child is given
a chance to express their perspective and feelings, and acknowledge and validate
those feelings. Explaining other children’s viewpoints to children, which
supports children in the development of cognitive
flexibility or the ability to take different
perspectives. Skilled questioning can cue children to develop successful
solutions.
- Comforting, encouraging and affirming children, which is found to increase children’s participation in
problem-solving and sharing of perspectives with peers. Showing children warmth
during periods of intense emotion can help children to regulate those emotions
and become receptive to learning problem-solving strategies. Negative emotions,
such as anger or anxiety, in particular are linked to decreased capacities for
problem-solving by disrupting cognitive processes such as working memory and
cognitive flexibility.
- Restating the problem clearly
back to children with statements like “Oh I see, there’s only one truck”, to
encourage children’s involvement in solving their own conflict problem.
- Offering children a range of possible things to say (“please can I have a turn?” or “I am playing with this now”” or “that annoys me!”) to help children learn
social skills and appropriate language. Pay attention to non-verbal
communication especially for children with emerging language skills, as
toddlers and young children may use formulaic phrases (like ‘stop it – I don’t
like it’) without deep understanding.
- Remaining child-centred. For example, in the case of children excluding a peer
from their play, teachers should be open to helping the excluded child to
accept the lack of opportunity to join the group and find something alternative
to do, rather than insisting on inclusion. Positively affirm each child’s idea
for resolution, whilst also seeking to find a solution that is agreeable to all
through negotiation and compromise.
Further reading
Clarke, L., McLaughlin, T.W., & Aspden, K. (2019).
Promoting learning during toddlers’ peer conflicts: Teachers’ perspectives. Early Years, 39(4),426-440. doi: 10.1080/09575146.2017.1384919
de Haan, D., & Singer, E. (2003).
“Use your words”: A sociocultural approach to the teacher’s role in the
transition from physical to verbal strategies of resolving peer conflicts among
toddlers. Journal of Early Childhood Research, 1(1), 95-109.
Gloeckler, L. R., Cassell, J. M.,
& Malkus, A. J. (2014). An analysis of teacher practices with toddlers
during social conflicts. Early Child
Development and Care, 184(5), 749-765.
doi: 10.1080/03004430.2013.818988
PREPARED FOR THE EDUCATION HUB BY
Dr Vicki Hargraves
Vicki runs our early childhood webinar series and also is responsible for the creation of many of our early childhood research reviews. Vicki is a teacher, mother, writer, and researcher living in Cairns, Australia. She completed her PhD using philosophy to explore creative approaches to understanding early childhood education. She is inspired by the wealth of educational research that is available and is passionate about making this available and useful for teachers.
